She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
