So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
