Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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