awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
