the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
