I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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