i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
