Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i believe in u and ur pee
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
