Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
