If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
