I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
