so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
