You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
