remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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