I feel like abortions should bother me more
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
