So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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