he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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