I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she told me i tasted like america
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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