Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
