Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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