her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
