So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
