she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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