i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
