Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
