Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
