My room smells like vodka and shame
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
