Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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