You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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