Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
