Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
