Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
