Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
