He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize