idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
