Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my poor anus
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
