Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
