ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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