So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
