He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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