We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im part way to drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
