I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
