She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize