No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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