I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
