no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
