This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
NoShamevember. You game?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
