lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
