I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
