I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So vagazzling was a success
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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