Porn is love you can see.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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