i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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