...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
