he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
