its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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