Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
