This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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