I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
