she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The Olympian is in my bed
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