Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
