she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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