I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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