We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
