how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
