Welp...herpes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
