I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
