I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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