Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
