So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
