"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
