Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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