Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
